Back at the Beginning
by Nan
Summary: AJ and Mac worry about Harm and his latest TAD - Finished!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Back at the Beginning  
  
Author: Nan  
  
Rating: R  
  
Classification: vignette, Harm/Mac, AJ  
  
Spoilers: All episodes up to but not including Fortunate Son from Season 8  
  
Summary: AJ and Mac worry about Harm and his latest TAD - (Note - I use Ted Lindsey as sort of a negative character in this story. In Fortunate Son, TPTB also did the same, I guess great minds think a like!  
  
Thankyou - To Aerogirl. A truly great author with a warm and encouraging heart. I sent her my fiction 'out of the blue' and she not only edits but provides a running commentary. It is as much fun to read the corrections as it was to write the story. Thanks!  
Admiral AJ Chegwidden was leaning back on his dark leather couch with his cast-encased foot resting on the coffee table. He was absently moving his left hand over the top of his head and then down towards his chin as he stared unfocused across the room. Yesterday, he had set a goal for himself. Before returning to JAG on Monday from convalescent leave, the fit-reps on his senior officers would be done.  
  
So far, the task had been routine. Officers like Commander Sturgis Turner and Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie were exemplary in their work and their fitness reports reflected that. AJ believed in giving credit where credit was due and he was generous in his comments towards both officers.  
  
Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr was a different matter. The tall aviator turned lawyer had been almost seven years under his command. And during that entire time, Harm's fit-reps reflected the kind of officer he was. With a couple of notable exceptions, AJ had always given the commander the highest rating possible. Anything less would have been seemed petty considering the substantial accomplishments the officer had achieved throughout the years.  
  
But during his ten-day sick time, AJ had time to think about a growing issue regarding the commander. This issue was not new, but the terrorist attacks of 9/11 were creating a pressure that could no longer be ignored.  
  
The issue was the commander's additional duty. Harm's official duty station was as a Navy lawyer at the Judge Advocate Generals office in Falls Church, Virginia. But Harm had also maintained his flight status as a fighter pilot and the Naval Air Warfare Center at Pax River often called on him for additional duty.  
  
AJ thought back to the first time he met Harm. After spending less than five minutes with Harm, he knew he was the best talent that office had to offer. The inept leadership that preceded him was visible in most of the personnel. They were all competent at completing forms and pushing paper, but few had the passion that the new JAG was looking for. Commander Krennick was a skilled lawyer and a top administrator, but like many, her talents ended there. When Rabb had commandeered the zoomie-'s' Lear Jet en route to Cuba and had evaded two Cuban fighters, the admiral knew he had a man to be reckoned with. He was a man after his own heart.  
He smiled. Those were idealistic days. He had entered his new position with all of the zeal of a first term congressman. He had wanted the Judge Advocate General's office to be a place where what they did had real value. A force within the larger organization of the Navy that would help to right the wrongs and weed out the weak.  
  
AJ knew that he had accomplished at least some of his idealistic goals last year when Secretary of the Navy Nelson was fired. Not that AJ had wanted Nelson fired or even had planned for it. But when the Senate committee had found the old SecNav negligent for using JAG as his personal intelligence gathering organization instead of the CIA or even Naval Intelligence during the dirty nuke case, he knew had built JAG into the type of department he had always envisioned.  
  
And if today's JAG was an outstanding organization within the Navy, then at least some of the credit for this could be laid at the feet of one Commander Harmon Rabb. First alone, then with his partner Sarah Mackenzie, Harm had his finger in almost every major accomplishment at JAG over the seven years. Harm was a leader. His willingness to put aside his own ambitions, or personal safety in order to pursue the truth of a case was an inspiration to many in the office.  
  
Harm and Mac, it was hard for him to think of one without the other. Mac had blossomed under Harm's influence, shedding the final few insecurities that stood between her and real success. Their first case together involving Mac's uncle had built a foundation of trust between them that was nearly unbreakable. Well, unbreakable until Mic Brumby showed up. AJ grinned.  
  
There was no doubt that much of the success at JAG could also be attributed to Mac as well as Harm, AJ thought. But today, he had to stay focused and remember the task at hand.  
  
And the task at hand was sorting out Harm's official duty station and the obligations of his unofficial duty station. Lawyer versus fighter pilot. Two jobs that he performed with skill and excellence.  
  
"Why are you sitting here in dwindling light? It is almost dusk. " Meredith came into with a small tray of cheese and crackers. She walked over to the side table lamp and switched it on.  
  
"Just working on fit-reps," said AJ. He reached up and pulled her down on the couch beside him. She snuggled into crook under his arm. Wow, he thought, I can't believe how good this feels.  
  
"It seems like you were just thinking. Since when did a performance review take so much thought?" she asked.  
  
"When it comes to Rabb, nothing is easy," AJ smiled.  
  
"Well, I never thought you had any doubts about his performance?"  
  
"Yeah, he will get top evals on his report. He is good," said AJ. Too good for his own good, he thought. Can I explain this to her?  
  
"So if that is the case, why all the heavy thinking?"  
  
"Well, it's not about JAG. It's about his additional duty," AJ said.  
  
"Additional duty?"  
  
"You know that Harm is a fighter pilot, right?"  
  
"Of course I do, how could I forget? You ejected out of his F-14 two weeks ago," smiled Meredith.  
  
"Harm was a pilot long before he even thought of becoming a lawyer. Becoming a lawyer was only a stopgap measure for Harm after a catastrophic accident involving an F-14 and the unrelenting surface of an aircraft carrier on a tossing sea in the dark of night. A flight review board took away his active flight status. It was only then that he went back to school and studied law. Maybe dog fighting in the air and litigating in the courtroom are more closely related skills than it would seem, but what ever, Harm became a damn fine lawyer. But he never forgot the reason he joined the Navy in the first place. As time progressed he fought to get back into the air. He did it too, overcoming considerable odds." AJ paused, lost in thought.  
  
"So he is flying and he is a lawyer. This isn't new and you haven't worried about it before." Meredith took some cheese from the wooden tray.  
  
"That's true. I always felt he could handle it. And he does handle it. But they keep nudging up the heat a little."  
  
Meredith looked at him. "They?"  
  
"Pax River, Naval Air Warfare Center, NAVAIR, the CAGs on almost every carrier he visits. Just about anyone out there who has an F-14 to fly needs extra pilots since 9/11. And unfortunately, Harm has a good reputation." AJ twirled his fingers around a strand of her dark hair.  
"Is the commander complaining about this extra duty?" Meredith still didn't get what the problem really was.  
  
He snorted. "Rabb? Never. He never tells anyone no."  
  
"Can he refuse to fly, if he didn't want to?"  
  
"Yes. His primary duty station is still JAG. Most of his flying is done at his own discretion."  
  
"I still don't get it. If he wants to fly and does a good job at that plus he maintains his performance at JAG, how is there a problem? Is his work slipping at JAG?"  
  
"Nope, Whatever I give him, he always performs competently. And he maintains a caseload that is at the very least as much as the other lawyers in the office and sometimes more. There are only three other lawyers that can equal him in caseload. Bud, Sturgis and Mac." AJ looked over the top of her head to the other wall.  
  
"You are worried about him?" Meredith crooked an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," said AJ.  
  
"Has this got something to do with your recent 'incident' in a F-14?"  
  
"Maybe a bit. I mean, hell, I was sore flying around up there before I ejected. And I never saw the real work of flying. The g-forces, the arrested landings, the catapult - this all starts takes a toll. I knew this theoretically, but the flight and the ejection injected a little reality into my world."  
  
"He seems okay with it all."  
  
"Do you know that he has to maintain a rigorous exercise regime to stay qualified? I pride myself on keeping in shape. I run regularly and lift weights. But if my schedule gets hectic, I will drop the routine for a week or so. Harm can't allow himself that luxury or he may lose his flight status." AJ started to warm up to his topic. "Harm mostly flies in the evening or at night or on the weekend. Primarily, so it doesn't interfere with his day job. Between JAG and Pax River, he goes weeks without a day off."  
  
AJ sat in silence. Meredith watched as he continued to turn the issue over in his mind.  
  
"Look, I am worried that the only way he is going to stop this lifestyle is if he is forced to. And I don't want that to be a catastrophic accident."  
  
"You are worried something might happen to him."  
  
"Yes." AJ looked at her. You understand, he thought. But now what do I do?  
  
Meredith smiled at him. "From where I sit, it always seems that you take some sort of verbal sledgehammer to Harm when you want to get your point across."  
"Well, the man is target fixated. Once he is on a course, it is hard to distract him. I've discovered over the years that "Please, Harm, would you be so kind," is an approach that will probably not get much of a result."  
"So I take it that you don't think this approach will work for this problem, either?" Meredith said.  
  
"Well, if he was actually doing something wrong, or his work was slipping or something, I would have something to work with. This is different," AJ said.  
  
"Because flying is so important to him?"  
  
"Yeah," AJ sighed. He knew getting Rabb out of the sky would be painful, one-way or the other. Harm would die first before giving up flying. And unfortunately, that was the very thing AJ was afraid of.  
  
#  
  
It was a little before 6 o'clock pm civilian time and Sarah Mackenzie was tired. It had been a long day in court. She and Harm had squared off in court at 0900 this morning on a DDO case. Harm had put up a creative defense but the cards and the evidence were stacked against him. Mac had the satisfaction of putting a mental notch in the plus column. She knew she shouldn't be keeping a running tab of wins and losses against Harm but old habits die hard.  
  
She had another reason to smile. She had convinced Harm it was her turn to cook dinner tonight. She remembered teasing him about being a control-freak during their escapades in Afghanistan, and his obsession with cooking was just another example. Not that she didn't love the atmosphere in his loft, his music, and his way of taking a few veggies and some pasta and creating a great meal, but this being Harm, she knew he needed the tables turned every so often. And she had scoured the cookbooks looking for just the right recipe for this night. She was going to score big. Okay, not in the way you might think but other victories are almost as sweet, she mused.  
  
"See you at 1900?" she said as she rounded the turn into his office. She watched as he shut down his computer and threw a few files into a briefcase.  
  
"Looking forward to it," said Harm. He flashed her a smile just a millisecond late and Sarah wondered if something was wrong. She mentally reviewed the day. Was there something she had missed?  
  
"I'll bring dessert, okay?"  
  
Mac came out of her reverie. "Dessert? No, got that covered too, flyboy. Just bring your appetite and prepare to be amazed."  
  
He rolled his eyes but this time his smile was quick and genuine. He followed her out of the office and together they walked to their respective cars.  
  
#  
  
Harm reached over the counter to where she was cutting vegetables and snagged stray carrot. "You are right, Mac, this is an amazing meal," he teased.  
  
"Give me a couple more minutes. At least give me a chance to put it on the table before you comment."  
  
Harm wandered over to her couch and sat down. She had a fire going in the fireplace and Norah Jones playing on the CD player. God, Harm thought to himself, there was something about Mac's apartment that made him feel like a 10-year-old sneaking into his sister's bedroom. Maybe it was elegant furniture and the decidedly female knick-knacks around the room. Whatever, he resolved to get the next dinner back at his loft.  
  
Maybe it was because he was tired that he felt susceptible to her beauty and charm. He was usually good at putting his feelings for Mac in a box and dealing with her as just a friend. He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of cutlery in the kitchen.  
  
He awoke suddenly. Harm was instantly aware that Mac's apartment was dark, his casual deck shoes were off and someone had thrown a blanket over him. Not someone, Mac. He groaned and looked at his watch - 23:36. He had fallen asleep on her couch. He shut his eyes and groaned again. What had happened to dinner?  
  
Now what? He could wake her, apologize and slink with his tail between his legs and go home. He got up and started to look around for his shoes.  
  
"Hey Rip Van Winkle. I put your shoes on the hearth of the fireplace, Harm." Mac clicked on a light. She had on a pair of flowered flannel PJ's. He didn't know what it was with Mac and flannel PJ's but whatever, they were starting to figure prominently in his erotic dreams. She was smiling at him.  
  
"What happened? Mac, I am truly sorry." The more Harm talked, the more he felt like a complete idiot.  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
He looked at her, not sure how to take the question. "Well," he quirked. "I haven't had dinner, so, yeah, I guess I am."  
  
"This still should be pretty good. I'll heat it up in the microwave." Mac took a casserole dish out of the fridge.  
  
Harm looked at Mac warily. Being nice to him wasn't how he thought she would react. "Mac, why didn't you wake me?"  
  
"To be honest, at first I tried to be a little insulted and maybe I should have sent you packing, Harm. But you looked tired all day today. I didn't have the heart. You have been moon lighting again?"  
  
Harm took the steaming plate from her. He still felt embarrassed.  
  
"Harm, how much flying did you do on the weekend?" asked Mac.  
  
"Flying?"  
  
"Yeah, you know, flying for PAX River. You know, NAVAIR, AIRLANT or whomever?" Mac studied his face as he started to eat.  
  
"This weekend was NAVAIR. I put in a few hours," Harm hesitated, knowing that he didn't want to tell her the full story.  
" More than a few. I saw this morning that you signed in at 0400. You didn't have enough time to prepare for our court case over the weekend, right? So, you came in early and did the work then."  
  
Now he knew where this conversation was going. "Okay, okay, I spent the weekend at NAVAIR. Flight tests took more time than originally thought."  
  
"And you were wondering why I didn't wake you. I had a feeling you had a busy weekend," Mac said. "How's the pasta?"  
  
Harm smile was rueful. "I like it. And you don't need to remind me that it was better before the microwave sucked the life out. Maybe I could get a rain check for another night?"  
  
"Sure. How about Thursday?"  
  
Thursday. Shit. Harm knew the answer to that one. "Ah, well, I have to go out to a carrier Thurday night. I have my six month quals."  
  
Mac was silent. Then, "Okay, well, let me know when you have some time, Harm." She turned from him and picked up the dirty dishes. She walked over to the sink and started to rinse them off. She felt his presence behind her.  
  
"Mac, I'm sorry about how this turned out. I was really looking forward to this evening. Can we get together a week from today?"  
"Sure, it's a date. If you are still tired, I don't mind if you camp out it in my spare room. For tonight anyway."  
  
"You mean the room with the twin-sized bed that you keep for Chloe? I'll be shoving my feet against that fancy footboard all night. I'll need to go home to my place," Harm said. His eyes followed her movements in the kitchen. Why, why, why can't I ever string the right words together? Maybe then, he would be sleeping in the queen size bed in the main bedroom with his arms wrapped around her.  
  
Harm sighed. "I'd better get going so you can get some sleep." 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Back at the Beginning – Part 2

Author: Nan

Rating: R

Classification: vignette, Harm/Mac, AJ

Spoilers: All episodes up to but not including Fortunate Son from Season 8

Summary: AJ and Mac worry about Harm and his latest TAD

Harm was just starting to feel human again. The rigor of the carrier flight qualifications of the past weekend had felt like playing the offensive line against the Redskins. He was bruised and sore after the arrested landings and catapult take-offs that were part of an aviator's life on a carrier.

But like a football player, he knew that this beaten feeling would slowly go away. He reached down and grabbed some Tylenol out of the second drawer. No court time this week, for which he was thankful. He could hibernate in his office and tackle the mountain of paperwork on his desk. He was looking forward to a couple of good night's sleep in his own loft in his own bed. Racks on a carrier were about as good as the name implied, short and unrelentingly uncomfortable. 

"The admiral is looking for you, commander. A meeting in his office in ten minutes." Tiner popped his head in the door of Harm's office.

Shit. A meeting with Chegwidden usually meant something new. And for once, Harm wasn't looking forward to any more work. "Thanks, Tiner."

Eleven minutes later found Harm sitting in the leather chair across from Admiral Chegwidden. 

"I need you to leave for Hawaii ASAP then on to Okinawa. You are aware of the incident between four of the North Korean MIG fighters and our aircraft over international waters? Because of that, we have suspended surveillance flights off the coastline of North Korea. Unfortunately, recent threats by the North Korean government mean that these surveillance operations are more imperative than ever. To make things more complicated, we are on the eve of war in Iraq. The intelligence community is afraid that North Korea will take advantage of this distraction and begin reprocessing uranium out of their Yongbyon complex. After that it wouldn't be long until enough would be available for four or five nuclear weapons."

" We will be resuming this critical information gathering function but before that happens, the Pentagon has refined the Rules of Engagement for aircraft in that area. Our senior brass and state department officials are debating the wisdom of providing fighter escort for the RC-135S. If they do approve, we need to have our fighter pilots ready for a possible confrontation with North Korean MIGs. The SecNav wants you over to the Pentagon today for a briefing on the changes to the ROE's. Then you are to deliver them to our carrier group stationed in the Sea of Japan as well as the flight crews on Okinawa. The SecNav wants complete assurances that everyone understand what they can and can't do before they start flying near the North Korean coastline."

"Yes, sir."

"You will also report to his office personally, your assessment of the aviation crews and their ability to carry out the new orders. No hotshot pilot is going unilaterally start a war against North Korea. But don't think it ends there or it is that easy. We also have an obligation to protect American surveillance aircraft from any real threats from the North Korean fighters."

"Yes, sir."

AJ sat back in his leather chair and studied Harm for a minute. He was on the lookout for the cocky, know-it-all aviator pilot. Talking to Rabb the lawyer was different than talking to Rabb the fighter pilot and AJ was prepared to switch in a minute. Instead, the commander sat in the chair studying the briefing document. 

AJ started again. "To that end, SecNav believes a couple of flights with both the fighter squadrons and the surveillance crews would be helpful. So you will be ordered to accompany any ongoing flight operations if the opportunity presents itself. The Pentagon could use any and all feedback on the new changes."

That finally got a reaction out of the commander. He slowly looked up, quirked one eyebrow and smiled. 

"Well, now you've got me looking forward to this," Harm said.

"Just do this right. Both the CNO's office and the SecNav feel that you are the right person for this job. They are counting on you. We are looking for compliance to the new orders sprinkled with common sense. It is important to get those surveillance flights back and keep them flying."

"I understand, sir"

"Good. Tiner is working on your flight arrangements. You are expected at the Pentagon in an hour. Stick to the mission plan and fly smart, Harm."

"That is always the idea, sir."

"Before you go, there is one more thing." The admiral grabbed a separate note from his desk. "Tiner informs me that you are a little behind regarding last weeks time sheets, your monthly report and two legal briefs. Is there any reason that there might be a further delay to this?"

"No sir."

"Well, then you are dismissed. I believe the CNO's office wants you back in DC by Monday to report. The decision to recommence surveillance will depend to some extent on your assessment of our readiness."

Harm walked out of the Admiral's office. For some reason, the prospect of this new assignment combined with some combat flying wasn't helping him to get over his current funk. He still had that potload of paper pushing to dig out of. Shit, he had promised Sturgis a statement for the Ellis case.

"Anything I can do for you, sir?" Harriet knew Harm was about to go TDY. 

"I wish you could help me, Harriet. Care to write up a couple of time sheets for me?"

"Sorry, sir. Anything else?"

"Where's Colonel Mackenzie?" Harm was thinking about their pre-arranged dinner.

"Norfolk, sir."

"Tell her what happened and apologize. We were supposed to get together for dinner tonight." 

"Yes, sir"

Harm walked to his office and started to prepare for his trip.

#

Harm landed at Okinawa after a day and half of travel. Knowing that it was hard for his six foot four frame to get much sleep on commercial aircraft, he used the flight time to prepare for his presentations. The CNO's office had spent almost two hours briefing him. Harm summarized his notes from that meeting and spent time studying the details of the surveillance flights in this area. He also studied the intelligence reports on the strength and habits of the North Korean air fleet.

Within hours of landing, Harm was carrying out his orders. He repeated his presentation on the new ROEs more than once at Okinawa and on the carrier. Although his main focus was the flight crews of the fighter and surveillance air wings stationed at Okinawa and on the aircraft carrier _Carl Vinson_ in the Sea of Japan, Harm spent time with the senior command officers and the JAG office. He knew their understanding would support the local pilots. 

Harm's reputation as both an experienced pilot and a JAG lawyer helped to ease the tension of the flight crews. His easy manner, and clear presentation style created a productive atmosphere where they could openly discuss different confrontation scenarios with the North Koreans. Harm switched easily from the super hype of the fighter pilots to the more studious dialogue of the technicians and controllers on the surveillance aircraft. As requested by the CNO, he also caught an extended surveillance flight on an E-2C Hawkeye off of the _Vinson._

"I hear you are on the next COD back to Pearl, Commander," Captain Josh Brooks looked at the man at attention in front of him. Harm was reporting into the CAG as his final duty before leaving the _Vinson_.

"Yes, sir. I'm aiming to be in DC on Sunday night. I need to be at the Pentagon on Monday. I plan to make a recommendation on a few modifications to the ROE's. After that, the Pentagon plans to resume surveillance."

"With fighter escort?"

"Maybe but somehow I think the State Department will prevent it."

"It is going to be hard to send out unarmed flights. You did good work here, Commander. Smart interpretation of orders comes slowly for younger officers. I find most shipboard JAGs do little more than confound and confuse our people." 

"Thank you, sir."

"When we do resume flight surveillance over North Korea, do you think we will encounter any trouble?"

"We can only influence one half of that equation, sir. The other half is up to the North Koreans. But, even so we are prepared."

"If someone does get into trouble over the ROEs?" the CAG asked.

"I'll support them sir. If they have followed the guidelines outlined, I'll be the first to come to bat for them."

"Wish I had you around more often, commander. Want to rejoin a carrier and get back to the seafaring life?"

"As a shipboard JAG? No thanks," Harm smiled. "As much as I hate to admit I like DC, I'm looking forward to a full night's sleep on a bed I can stretch out in."

"From what I saw, you didn't have much time to sleep whether it was a short rack or not." The CAG started to dismiss Harm and walk back to his console.

"Good bye Captain." Harm left the bridge and made his way towards the flight deck.

#

Harm had an hour before his flight began boarding. He looked around the departure area of Honolulu airport for an Internet link. He had not had an opportunity to check his email traffic for the last day and half. He groaned internally. That meant there were probably over 50 emails waiting for a response in his inbox. Just because he was TDY didn't mean that the day-to-day work at JAG came to a halt.

Using his phone card, CAT5 wire and his laptop, he was quickly downloading email from the JAG server using a data port. Only forty-seven emails. His original estimate had been a little high, he thought wryly. Scanning the list, he looked for the ones from Mac. There were several. All but one were general delivery announcements to the office at large. But one was to his email only. He opened that one first.

_Harm,_

_Are you still in Okinawa? Hope you have those Neanderthal pilots in line. The admiral tells me you have a 9am meeting with CNO's office tomorrow. Hate to pile on some additional work but I'm looking for your monthly reports.  _

_Mac_

The email was date stamped early Sunday morning. In fact, calculating the time change, he realized she must have just sent it. 

He blasted a quick reply.

_Mac_

_Waiting for next plane out in Honolulu, I will download the reports when I land in LA. If all goes well I'll be back in Dulles around 10 pm Sunday night._

_Harm_

Harm pressed the send button, then disconnected the link. He settled down on one of the chairs in the departure lounge and started to work on his inbox when his cell phone rang.  

"Rabb."

"Harm, it's me." Mac's voice greeted him bridging the gap between DC and Honolulu.

"Hey."

"You sound funny. Are you okay?" Mac said.

"Just tired, I guess. My throat is a little sore from all that went on over the last two and half days."

"Lots of presentations?"

"Yeah, non-stop, pretty much."

"How are you getting to DC?" asked Mac.

"Commercial flight into Dulles. I should be in by midnight."

"I'll pick you up. That okay, Harm?" 

That will be definitely the only bright spot in my entire week, thought Harm. "If I didn't want to see you so badly, I would take a taxi. But instead I'll just say thanks."

Mac paused and digested his last sentence. He must be tired.  It wasn't often he let a sentence like that slip. "Harm, get some sleep. You are beginning to worry me."

"Airplane seats made for pygmies don't present much of an opportunity to sleep. And even if I could fall asleep, I'd wake up feeling like crap from the cramped position. I'm better off working on my backlog of emails and reports."

"Try anyway, Harm. See you." Mac ended the conversation.

"Bye, Mac."

Harm went back to his laptop to work. He kept one ear open for the boarding call. He sighed. This was going to be a long trip.

#

It was 0545 local time on Monday and Mac's sneakers were squeaking on the tile floor of the Dulles Airport main concourse. Because of delays out of Honolulu, Harm had missed his connecting flight out of LA and had taken the red eye to DC instead. She spotted him coming through the security gate on the arrivals level.

"Hey sailor, you look like you were on an all night bender," said Mac. "Will you have enough time to catch a few zzz's before your meeting?"

"Nice thought, but if I sleep now, I'll be fuzzy for my meeting with the CNO's office. Interested in an early breakfast with me? I need to bounce a few thoughts off of someone before the meeting. I have a few changes I want to make to the Pentagon's ROEs. Something to help the pilots."

"The Marriot's coffee shop is open. Let's go," said Mac.

#

Harm's meeting with the CNO's staff went nearly till noon. He was surprised at how readily they accepted his suggestions for change. The primary motivation in the room seemed to be agreement. There was a sense of urgency about resuming surveillance of North Korea. As Harm left the meeting room, the topic changed to the upcoming Iraq crisis. However serious the situation was in North Korea, the imminent attack on Iraq was still a primary focus for the senior Navy staff at the Pentagon.

Despite his present state of exhaustion, Harm felt pretty good. His assignment was over and he knew with a sense of satisfaction that is was a job well done. He could now concentrate on the more mundane tasks that had been plaguing him lately. He was actually looking forward to a couple of slow, uninteresting days of paper work. He made a resolution that he would spend a couple of hours at JAG and then leave by 1500. The rest of the week would be a breeze after a good night's sleep. He turned his Corvette onto the highway leading from the Pentagon and headed for Falls Church.

It was 1445 when Tiner buzzed Harm in his office and informed him that the admiral wished to speak with him. He went to Chegwidden's office a little puzzled. Harm had already fully debriefed the admiral earlier about his TDY. What did he want now that couldn't wait till tomorrow?

Mac was already sitting in the right hand chair when Harm entered the room. Without formality, the admiral waved him to an empty chair. Harm looked at both of them, raised his eyebrow in puzzlement and sat down beside her. AJ looked up from the file he was studying.

"Commander, the CNO's office just called. They will be announcing to the press tomorrow that the surveillance flights along the coast of North Korea will recommence on Wednesday."

"Not a minute too soon, sir."

"I think that is one thing we all can agree on. What do you think the response will be from North Korea?" He studied his junior officer.

"I believe the North Koreans are well motivated in their desire to keep us from knowing too much. They don't want our planes there for fear we may confirm what we already suspect. They are also counting on the fact that we will be very reluctant to engage in hostilities in this area when we have Iraq to deal with. It won't surprise me if our people will encounter the MIGs again."

"Do you agree with the Pentagon's decision not to provide a fighter escort?"

"Reluctantly, I have to agree with them. An aggressive show of force on our part might just give the North Koreans the leverage they need. And even some of our allies may also misconstrue this situation against us. But it makes me angry as a pilot that we would put an unarmed surveillance plane in a situation with four hostile MIG fighters." Harm looked grim as he quietly spoke the last sentence.

"You might be surprised to learn that the CNO and the SecNav agree with you more than you know. Although we will not be providing a fighter escort, we will be prepared for a confrontation. The _Carl Vinson_ has been ordered to undergo a training operation that will mean at least three fighter squadrons in the air during the surveillance run."

"They will be close by and ready if the need arises. I thought we might do something like that."

"But those squadrons in the air still may be a problem. The SecNav is still worried that a hotheaded pilot could escalate the situation. Hostilities with North Korea are to be avoided unless absolutely warranted."

"I've spelled that out pretty clearly in Okinawa. I think we will be okay."

"The CNO has received a request from the _Carl Vinson_. They are asking that you return to the carrier and command one of the fighter squadrons in the air during the surveillance pass. Both the CNO and the SecNav have agreed to the request." The admiral's eyes never left Harm's face.

"What's that again?" Harm wasn't sure if he heard him right.

"You have orders to proceed back to Sea of Japan and join the _Carl Vinson_ on temporary duty to the flight wing. If a situation arises they believe you will be the best able to react appropriately. We need to protect the surveillance craft without escalation," said AJ.

"Yes, sir." Harm was temporarily taken aback. It was hard to think clearly. He had stepped off the plane in Dulles less than 10 hours ago.

"Tiner is making the flight arrangements now. Colonel Mackenzie and you will be catching a flight west either through commercial airlines or MIL-AIR this evening."

"Colonel Mackenzie, sir?" Harm was puzzled. Why would Mac be going? He glanced over to where she was sitting and found her watching him.

"I am starting to think you might need a bit of help. She can take over any legal duties. It is important that you concentrate on flying, Harm."

He sat there for a moment trying to digest this turn of events. Usually flying didn't involve Mac as a minder. It was not like he was going to go off half-cocked in the cockpit. In fact, he was there to prevent that very scenario from happening.

But somehow he knew that Mac and the admiral had agreed to this before he entered the room. He was just there to go along for the ride. He knew he should protest but couldn't raise enough energy. There were worse things than having Mac along.

"This is not up for discussion, Commander. Colonel, is there anything you would like to add?"

"No, sir," said Mac.

"Commander? Anything? No? Then you are both dismissed. Good luck and keep safe, Harm." AJ watched as they both left the room. That went smoother than he had anticipated.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Back at the Beginning – Part 3 

Author: Nan

Rating: R

Classification: vignette, Harm/Mac, AJ

Spoilers: All episodes up to but not including Fortunate Son from Season 8

Summary: AJ and Mac worry about Harm and his latest TAD

Harm had his eyes closed in the darkened cabin of the plane but he wasn't asleep. His knees were jammed against the seat in front and his head kept slipping between the backrest edge and the bulkhead of the plane. They were somewhere over the Pacific Ocean and would land in Honolulu in about two hours. Mac was beside him, quietly tapping at the keys of her laptop. 

He had managed to doze for most of the trip. It was enough to take the edge off of his exhaustion but it was far from the deep sleep that he craved. He started thinking about Mac. It was hard for him to not think about her. She was in such close proximity despite his turned back.

Why did Chegwidden send Mac with him on this trip? He still couldn't figure this out. It was a usual trick of Chegwidden's to send a minder when he had doubts about an officer's ability to think or act rationally. In Harm's case, the admiral had sent Mac along as a minder in numerous situations. He had gone as far as sending Mac to Russia with him when Harm went on his quest to find his MIA father. He wondered how that adventure might have turned out if it wasn't for Mac. In truth, he may not have even been alive today.

But what was it about this mission that had both Mac and the admiral worried? Obviously, the CNO, the SecNav and the CAG on the _Carl Vinson_ had no trouble with Harm's objectivity. In fact, they were sending him because of his ability to act rationally under a combat situation. 

He knew that wasn't it. Chegwidden wasn't worried about his objectivity as a combat fighter. And even though Mac sometimes worried about his flying, he knew she knew that she had little to add that might improve his odds in that particular situation. He flexed his right leg and resettled in the seat, trying to ease the cramping.

"Harm?" Mac realized that Harm was awake.

"Yes, mother?" Harm rolled towards her in the seat.

"Funny. Did you manage to rest a bit?" said Mac.

"Yup,"

"Good."

Harm adjusted his position in the chair so he could see her face. "Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?"

"I'm here to help you out."

"To help with any legal work? What legal work? I'm TDY to the flight wing, right? How are you going to help with that?"

"Maybe I'm here to help you get some sleep."

"Well, then turn off your light and stop tapping your fingers on that laptop." Harm smiled at her as she glanced over to him. 

"Sorry. Am I keeping you awake?"

"Not really. What is Chegwidden worried about? I mean the CNO, the SecNav, and the CAG on the _Carl Vinson_ are all convinced that I could handle this job. Not Chegwidden. He sends you along."

Mac studied him for a minute. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not, I always like having you around. But I don't think Chegwidden cares if I am lonely or not," said Harm.

Mac was silent. If Harm really knew what she and admiral were thinking, there would be trouble.

"Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you and the admiral want me to give up my flight status?"

This time Mac shut her laptop and placed into her briefcase. She put up her tray table and turned to look at Harm. His eyes were on her.

"Mac? Is that what this is about? Me keeping my active status while working at JAG?"

"It's not what you think. I mean, hasn't the admiral always supported you in this? Providing opportunities to fly, adjusting schedules so that you can do your quals?  I mean, he helped you change your designator when you went back to full flight status and took you back when that track dead-ended. You have to admit, not all CO's would be that understanding."

"I have always been grateful for his support. Even now, I don't think he wants me to end this, does he? There is something else."

"Harm, he is worried. So am I. By keeping your flight status, you are basically trying to hold down two jobs. Burning the candle at both ends. Flying fighters is one of the most dangerous occupations in the world. And there is also a wagon full of stress being a senior JAG. You have to wonder how this is all going to end."

"I am a good pilot. I'm not taking any undue risk."

"Yeah, but most of the men and women in this job are 15 years younger and do it full time. You are almost 40 and it is not even your day job. The CNO, SecNav and the CAG are going to use you to their advantage. And that also goes for PAX River and the air wings there. They don't see the toll it takes."

"I'm handling it okay."

"Yeah, so it seems. But even you are not Superman. You can only do so much and something has to give. You don't even have much of a personal life anymore. The events of 9/11 have just managed to wreck that completely. When you are not working, you are down to Pax River."

Harm managed to catch the tiniest bit of bitterness in that last statement.  He felt guilty. Some of this was not just about his professional life. It was about them, their friendship and what it might be. But…. She was suggesting something he just couldn't face. He shut his eyes again.

"Okay, okay. I get the message. After this mission off the _Vinson_, I'll try and slow down some. Will that help?" He rolled his back away from her, signaling his desire to sleep again.

Mac mused. Well, that seemed to go okay. Better than what I thought might happen. After this mission? Harm, she thought, maybe this will be it and we won't get another chance.  

#

Okay, now Mac was pretty sure the conversation had gone worse than her original estimate. Since that fateful discussion on the plane, Harm had gone out of his way to avoid her. Now since arriving on the _Carl Vinson_ she was beginning to feel like a fifth wheel. All questions, orders and the like were directed to Harm and if he didn't want to let her in, it was hard to stay relevant. And he wasn't letting her in on anything.

More than that, Harm's every action seem to be directly aimed towards refuting the idea that he was over-extended. Instead of being tired and slow after three transoceanic crossings, he was energetic and plunged into every request with vigor. He held a briefing on the final version of the ROE's and was now preparing with the other flight crews for the mission under the guise of a training exercise.

Now what? She made her way towards the flight ready room looking for Harm. At the very least, she could wish him luck. This wasn't the time to dredge up the issue of his flight status. Just concentrate on this one Harm, and we can sort this out at a later date.

She saw him across the room. Mac walked towards him as he was putting on his flight gear. "Harm?"

"Mac. Hi."

"Just wanted to wish you luck. Be safe up there, flyboy." It was then that she noticed that his color seemed a bit high.

"I always play it safe, Mac. Quit worrying." His voice had a sharp edge.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course. Why would you think not?" He shot her a quick look.

"No reason, I guess. See you when you get back, Harm."

"You can count on it, Mac." And with that he left, leaving her to wander up to the bridge to wait out news of the operation.

#

True to expectations, two MIGs were waiting for the RC-135S reconnaissance plane within minutes of beginning it's run down the North Korean coast. The EC-2 Hawkeye overseeing the training exercise relayed the coordinates over to the waiting fighter squadrons. 

Both the Pentagon and the CAG on the _Vinson_ agreed that they would match force with force equally. No overwhelming threat. Two MIGs meant two F-14s. Harm and his wingman were dispatched to exchange greetings with the unwelcome visitors.

Their plan was to distract then lead the MIGs away from the RC-135S. Intel said that the North Koreans had no facilities for aerial refueling, so if they played the game right, the MIGs would eventually find themselves at bingo fuel and bug out for home. But for now, it was Harm's job to assess how aggressive the MIGs intended to be. Their first encounter would tell much.

Harm climbed to 30000 feet and pressed his mike.

"Cobra Ball, Cobra Ball, this is Tag Team One. I hear you need a bit of help with some unwelcome visitors?"

"That's a roger, Tag Team One. Hope you can help."

"Tally-ho, Cobra Ball. Our ETA is less than two minutes."

Mac listened to their conversation in the dim light of Combat Information Center. She tried to visualize what was going on. The deadly calm of Harm's voice was something she recognized and she knew he was concentrating completely on the task.

"Bogeys in sight, Cobra Ball. Maintain course and heading. We will do the rest."

"Affirmative, Tag Team One. Good luck."

The tension in the Pri-Fly was thick. Radar displays coupled with the radio feedback helped to paint a picture of the scenario unfolding.

The MIGs immediately responded to the presence of the American fighter jets. Harm and his wingman occupied the two jets with dog fighting maneuvers intended to distract the aircraft from the intended mission.

As Harm pulled a 5 G turn to catch up with his intended target, he heard the voice of his RIO in his ear. 

"Hammer, I've got a pop-up. My guess is that we have company. One, no, two Bogeys lower and coming straight toward us.  Climbing to join in the fun."

"City Desk, City Desk. This is Tag Team One. We may need a little help here."

"Already dispatched, Hammer. ETA is 6 minutes. Hold on till then."

Harm noted with satisfaction that the modified Boeing 707 RC-135S was moving steadily away from the action. It able to continue its surveillance run of the Korean Peninsula. He was beginning to be increasingly convinced the MIGs wouldn't go to guns. If they intended to, there had already been plenty of opportunity. 

So now it was a time game. Keep them occupied until fuel became an issue. He decided to try and lead them further away from the coast. Let's see how long their legs are. The additional F-14s should be here any minute.

#

Harm popped the canopy of his F-14. He felt totally spent as he slowly unbuckled himself from the cockpit of the fighter. He was thankful he managed to catch the three wire on the first pass. It certainly wasn't a pretty landing but he didn't have the energy for a second attempt. He managed to mumble a few words to his RIO as he dragged himself to a standing position. Wow, he felt like hell. Something was not right. This wasn't the first time he had been in a dogfight and it certainly wasn't the worst. Just get through the debriefing, Hammer, then crash on the nearest rack.

As he climbed down the ladder to the carrier deck, his head started to spin. In a detached fashion, he realized that the steel top of the carrier was coming up to meet him. Then blackness followed.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Back at the Beginning – Part 4 

Author: Nan

Rating: R

Classification: vignette, Harm/Mac, AJ

Spoilers: All episodes up to but not including Fortunate Son from Season 8

Summary: AJ and Mac worry about Harm and his latest TAD

Mac looked at the flight surgeon with alarm. She had listened and watched as Harm and his fellow pilots had successfully distracted the MIGs from harassing the surveillance plane, Cobra Ball. She also had watched as he climbed from the F-14 after a routine landing and promptly collapsed on the deck of the carrier. Harm was one of the strongest individuals she had ever known. To see him carried from the deck on a stretcher had been a frightening experience. The surgeon had been with him for over an hour. He was now reporting his findings to Mac and the CAG, Captain Brooks.

"We are running some tests to confirm but I believe he has the flu," said Commander Lockhart. "I've ruled out most other possible problems."

"The flu?"

"Yes, the flu. When he arrived in sick bay, he had a temperature of 101 F."

"Can the flu make a healthy man collapse?" asked Mac.

"Sure it can, especially a man who has been under intense stress, high G forces and an arrested landing. It would be like fanning a flame."

"He was fine in preflight," said the CAG.

"That was over 8 hours ago. And I bet he had a few symptoms than he cared to admit, even then."

Mac nodded her head. "He has been on a treadmill lately. After 9/11, there have been more opportunity for flying plus he carries a full case load at JAG."

"Flying fighters is strain to those who do it full time. I've often wondered how some of these part timers keep up with it all."

"Is he awake?"

"Yup, woke up 15 minutes ago and promptly threw up the contents of his stomach. I think he is sleeping now but you can go in and check on him. We are treating his fever with medication; possible dehydration with IV fluids and the rest will have to play itself out. I'm keeping him isolated from the rest of the crew. A virus like this can spread quickly through the confined quarters of a carrier."

"When can he fly again?" asked Brooks

"A flu virus usually takes a couple of days to run its course. And then he needs a couple of days to get back to normal. It might be as long as a week," the doctor said.

"Well, I can still use him when he is better. I not counting on those MIGs  being so amiable next time."

Mac decided she needed to set a few things straight. "With all due respect, Captain, isn't it about time you figured out how to control those MIGs without the Commander? His duty station is JAG, Falls Church, not your air wing."

"With all due respect to you, Colonel, and Admiral Chegwidden, I think his duty station should be changed. And maybe it should be changed to an air wing. Pilots expect to follow difficult orders. But ROE's read more like a legal document than a battle plan. My pilots are in the center of unrelenting media scrutiny in a political situation that changes daily," said Captain Brooks.

"Harm spent a lot of effort ensuring that those orders were clear and reasonable. He told the Pentagon that he believes your pilots are capable of reacting reasonably. Those weren't just words, he believes that." Mac shot back at the CAG.

Brooks looked at Mac. "Look Colonel, I realize that you look at me as someone who is just taking advantage of the Commander's desire to fly. But it is more than that. He does more than fill a seat. He teaches my guys when not to shoot. That is as important as knowing how to shoot. There are many part time Tomcat pilots who qualify for this duty, all the way up to and including admirals. I didn't invite any of them to this party. I wanted him."

Brooks continued. "It was wrong-headed Navy Regs that sent the commander back to JAG from the _Patrick Henry_ three years ago when he changed his designator. I can't change those rules, but I can put the Commander's experience to better use than flying chase at Pax River."

Mac was silent. 

Brooks started to walk toward the hatch. "Goodnight, Colonel, when he wakes up let him know he did a good job up there, will you?"

Mac watched his retreating back. She had underestimated Captain Brooks. 

#

Mac walked into the narrow cubicle. Harm looked pale and his short hair was matted with sweat. She went over and touched him on the shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself. How are you feeling?"

"Every muscle in my body aches. I've got a headache and I feel like I'm going to throw up again. And I feel stupid," said Harm.

"That good, huh?" 

"That was a slick trick, passing out on the tarmac. Did I tell you I feel stupid?" Harm shut his eyes at the thought.

Mac smiled. "Don't be too hard on yourself. It's just the flu. Could happen to anyone."

"Drop the second shoe, will ya? Sooner or later you are going to say 'I told you so'. Might as well get it over with," said Harm.

"I was thinking of it but you just look too pathetic. But you did have this coming," she said.

"Thanks."

"At least now maybe you will get some sleep."

Harm looked at her and grabbed a stainless steel basin from the side table. "Mac, I am sorry about the last couple of days. You didn't deserve that." The rest of his words were lost as he heaved into the basin in his hands.

Mac helped him lie back as the convulsion finished. She grabbed the basin and emptied the contents into the small adjoining head. Wetting down a small washcloth, she returned and laid it on his forehead.

He opened one eye and found her smiling at him. "Are you enjoying this?" he groaned.

"Not really. I was just thinking that I've never had an apology quite like that one."

"You know how I like to be first at everything," he quipped. That motion sent pain through his head.

"I think you'd better try to rest," she said.

"Yeah." He closed his eyes then opened them and looked at her. "Mac? That conversation we had over the Pacific? It keeps running around in my head. Can I talk to you?"

"I want to have that conversation too, Harm," said Mac. "But you need to sleep."

Before Harm drifted off, he asked. "Are we okay?"

Mac smiled and smoothed the hair over his forehead. "I think so."

#

Admiral Chegwidden was staring at the phone on his desk. Rather, he was staring through the phone on his desk, contemplating the conversation that had just finished. It was the CAG from the _Carl Vinson_. Normally, a call from the commanding officer where two of his senior personnel were TDY was an appreciated civility. 

Brooks updated the admiral on the confrontation with the MIG fighters and commented on the valuable skills the commander brought to the table. As a courtesy, Brooks informed the admiral that the CNO's office had approved an extension. Harm would be on the _Carl Vinson_ for the next two months.

Almost as an afterthought, he mentioned that the commander had collapsed after the flight. He was in sickbay with the flu but was expected to ready to resume duty in less than a week. Brooks believed that Harm would continue to contribute despite a short absence.

There was a quality to Brooks that AJ didn't like. Perhaps what contributed to that idea was the fact that no one from either the _Carl Vinson_ or the CNO's office had bothered to ask his opinion about this extended duty. Rabb's duty station was JAG, Falls Church, dammit. Or had everyone forgotten that?

AJ's eye's narrowed as he thought about Harm's collapse. All he could think was thank god – he wasn't in the air. It could have been worse. He punched the intercom button. "Tiner, get me Colonel Mackenzie on the _Carl Vinson_, please?"

He'd better pull Mac out of there. If Rabb was going TAD for two months, he needed her back at JAG ASAP.  

#

Mac jammed the toiletries case into her sea bag. The COD for the mainland was leaving in 20 minutes. There was little use for her to hang around here, especially since Harm was staying for two months. If she hurried, she could drop by sickbay and see Harm. If he was awake, that is.

She wondered if Brooks had asked Harm about the extension. Although the admiral had not come out and said it, she knew he had been bypassed when this decision was made. Unfortunately, to fight it would be a losing battle, since both expected Harm would welcome the opportunity to fly in combat again. She walked the corridor towards sickbay.

The small cubicle was dark except for a dim wall light in the corner. Harm looked peaceful with one arm flung over his eyes as he lay on his side snoring softly. Mac knew it would be selfish on her part to wake him. She hated the thought of leaving without saying goodbye. Spying a small pad on the bedside table, she tore off a sheet of blank paper and wrote a quick note.

_Harm,_

_The admiral has pulled me back to DC ASAP. So this means I'm taking the first COD available. I still owe you dinner and a conversation. First Tuesday, after you return, okay?_

_Get better, Navy. And keep safe._

_Mac_

She tucked the note into the pocket on his T-shirt. _God, hear me and keep him out of trouble,_ prayed Mac as she looked back from the doorway.

#

The situation in North Korea, no matter how grave, took second chair to the military action about to start in Iraq. As Mac deplaned at Dulles, all around her were signs of war. Increased action on any military front meant additional work for all of the people at Falls Church. As JAG's Chief of Staff, Mac was responsible for staffing, and she was immediately immersed in the business of juggling work load as the office adjusted to war. Although Harm was one of the first casualties to a talent hungry Pentagon, he wouldn't be the last. Admiral Chegwidden received requests weekly to move multi-faceted staff to other departments. Most were denied or turned down but occasionally AJ was over-ruled. Mac's days were full and long. 

Harm, on the other hand, felt like he was left holding the proverbial bag. When he awoke in sickbay and found that Mac had departed, he had a moment of intense disappointment. Sickbay on a carrier was pretty limited and he spent the next couple days sleeping or bored. He had only planned on a short trip to the _Carl Vinson._ He was now stuck without many of the items that helped him pass his free time. No music CDs, no guitar, and very little to read. This had been his first time on the _Carl Vinson_ and he had no real friends in the crew. Although he hated to admit it, he was starting to feel lonely. Harm had mixed feelings about the two-month duration of his TAD.

Receiving the okay to fly from the flight surgeon was a welcome distraction. There weren't many things in this world that flying a F-14 couldn't fix for Harm. And for the first time in a while, he didn't have any legal work to sidetrack him. He threw himself into flying with relish.

The American and the North Korean fighters were working on a funny kind of standoff. The RC-135S reconnaissance flights were flown at a two-day interval. Each time, as the plane started it's run down the coastline, the MIGs would appear next to the modified Boeing 707. Then, like a well-orchestrated dance, the Tomcats and Hornets from the _Carl Vinson_ would respond. Eventually the confrontation would end in stalemate, leaving all parties waiting to gather for the next round. So far, not one shot had been fired.

Harm believed that this détente wouldn't last. The North Koreans seemed determined to escalate the entire situation, whether it was locking on a recon flight or test firing a missile. It was a matter of time till someone took the first shot.

Tonight, though, Harm was passing time in the flight lounge with his laptop downloading emails. Traffic from JAG had been heavy lately, indicating an increasing activity level because of the offensive in Iraq. I'm sure my absence is not appreciated, mused Harm to himself. 

He had been away for over six weeks, so many references in the messages he was not privy to. But it was a way to stay in touch.

Harm sent a private email to Mac to keep her up to date on what he was doing. He smiled ruefully. Past history had proven that both he and Mac were not good at keeping a correspondence going through email. Some of that was his fault.  He found this type of contact impersonal and lacking. 

Putting Mac aside, he scanned the list for the other name that bothered him. Throughout his entire absence, he had not one call or email from the admiral. This was not normal practice, since Admiral Chegwidden liked to be updated on the whereabouts of TAD staff. 

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that Chegwidden was mad. Captain Brooks had neatly bypassed the JAG going to the CNO to get him assigned here. Hell, thought Harm, Brooks also bypassed me. He assumed that I would jump at the chance to fly combat again. Looking at Harm's past record, that wasn't a hard assumption to make.

Loyalty was important to Admiral Chegwidden. Whenever Harm went flying, he always knew he rode that sharp edge between loyalty and disloyalty. It all went back to the time he changed his designator and left JAG for a six-month tour with the flight wing on the _Patrick Henry_. 

It was ironic that Admiral Chegwidden could encourage without resentment Gunnery Sergeant Galindez to make a similar switch to a combat unit. The Gunny wasn't disloyal, he was fulfilling an ambition. But in Harm's case, he wasn't so magnanimous.

He mentally shrugged. Ouch, that sounded pretty pitiful.  And unnecessary. He knew that his relationship with the admiral was hard to define but over the years, he had supported Harm through some pretty tough experiences. The only thing that would improve Chegwidden's attitude was Harm back in Falls Church. And he was due to return in less than two weeks.

Almost guiltily, he slid his thoughts towards another topic. Brooks had made it his habit of late to drop by Harm's table after dinner. Mostly just to chat, but Harm suspected another motive. He wanted Harm to move to his Air Wing permanently. This caught Harm somewhat by surprise. After struggling for the last 10 years just to keep his flight status, Harm found it flattering that the CAG wanted a retread like himself.

So far, nothing specific had been mentioned. But Harm was starting to contemplate the decision anyway. Returning to JAG after the stint on the _Patrick Henry, _Harm had never looked back. JAG was home to Harm. But flying was his passion. He knew that if he were asked to return to an active squadron, it would be hard to turn down.

Harm was so engrossed in his thoughts, that he almost missed the disturbance behind him. He turned his head and watched as two pilots and a RIO started to rough it up. Nothing wrong here, just a couple of young men roughhousing. Harm turned back to his laptop, legs straddled on the bench. Harm was just starting to get absorbed again into the JAG world, when one of the pilots was pushed roughly into him. The laptop that had been perched precariously across his knees went flying across the floor.

"Sorry, Harm." The pilot reached out his hand to steady him.

Harm shot him a disgusted look as he got up and went over to his laptop. There was a long crack in the grey plastic of the lower half. Harm tried to boot it up and got a groan of protest. The computer was toast. Now what? Requisitioning a new laptop while TAD would be a nightmare. It was capital equipment from JAG not the _Carl Vinson_. Getting it fixed before returning to Falls Church would mean a mountain of paperwork. Harm picked up the broken equipment, stuffed it in its case and walked out of the lounge. 

#

City Desk, City Desk, we now have four bogeys. Suggest time for the cavalry?" Harm was listening to the conversation between the squadrons in the air and control on the _Carl Vinson._

He was sitting in his Tomcat with his wingman waiting to be catapulted from the deck. They were on standby as backup support to the four F-14's in the air. Scratch that, only two F-14s. Two of the Tomcats had turned back earlier due to mechanical issues. Now, it seemed the MIGs were going to take advantage of their sudden superiority.

ETA for Harm was 12 minutes. He continued to listen to the conversation between Tomcats as they continued to evade the four bogeys. He was given the signal to go. Seconds later he felt the jolt of the catapult.

"Incoming, Incoming. He has fired a missile. Firing countermeasures." the pilot voice betrayed the tension he felt. Shit, Harm thought, it was like they were waiting for this opportunity. The North Koreans had finally gone to guns.

Harm approached the scene, his pilot's mind interpreting the moves of the choreographed ballet of the six aircraft. He could see that the four MIGs had boxed in the Tomcats and waiting for the opportunity to make a clean shot. This was going to be all over in minutes if they didn't do something. He needed distract and divide boogies. Lead them away from the coast. Make low fuel an issue. Time to insert into the action. He stopped thinking and worked from instinct only.

One of the MIGs, sensing the approaching Tomcats, fired a missile without a good lock. The missile went wide but managed to clip the left wing of the fleeing F-14. It started to flat spin downward, the pilot unable to control the dive.

Harm concentrated on this MIG, leaving the remaining three to his wingman and the last of original Tomcats. He drew up behind and heard the tone of a good lock. He fired. He watched as his adversary exploded. Suddenly, in unison, the remaining three turned and fled towards the shoreline. 

"Bogeys bugging out, Hammer. Request permission to chase," queried the voice of his wingman in his ear.

"Negative. Let them go. We are not here to start something tonight. Time to head for home," Harm replied. He glanced down at his chronometer. Exactly 27 minutes had passed since he had been catapulted from the deck. It had been that fast. He rolled his shoulders, trying to release the tension.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Back at the Beginning – Part 5

Author: Nan

Rating: R

Classification: vignette, Harm/Mac, AJ

Spoilers: All episodes up to but not including Fortunate Son from Season 8

Summary: AJ and Mac worry about Harm and his latest TAD

Admiral AJ Chegwidden had his glasses on and was studying the file on his desk. He was having trouble concentrating on the inoffensive document. Instead, his mind was wandering to the news ticker that scrawled across his office monitor over 67 minutes ago. 

The high drama of the Iraqi offensive was over but the story of the events unfolding in the Arab country still dominated the news services. Most of the office, engrossed with the additional work from the recent war, gave little thought to the JAG officer serving in Far Eastern Theatre. This was not true in AJ's case. Harm's TAD duty as a naval aviator about the _Carl Vinson_ was something he thought about often. Maybe it was because of his experience as a SEAL in Vietnam. He understood better than many the precarious politics of the region. He read the activity reports from the Pacific as a part of his daily routine.

When Tiner had interrupted him earlier without his usual trepidation, AJ had a premonition that something had gone wrong. Tiner switched the monitor to the news feed of ZNN, which was reporting a downed F-14 fighter with two dead after a dogfight with the North Korean MIGs. ZNN apologized for the lack of details. The story was just starting to unfold.

AJ barely had time to turn around before Mac, Sturgis, Bud and Harriet appeared in the open doorway. 

"I just heard, people. Don't jump to any conclusions. There are other F-14 pilots aboard the carrier besides Harm." AJ finally met the eyes of the four officers. "I will make some calls."

"Trouble has a way finding the commander, sir, " said Mac grimly. 

"Not every time. I'll let you know as soon as I hear," said AJ. With that he dismissed them and was left to his own thoughts.

He had left a message with Captain Brooks aboard the carrier. That was over an hour ago. Why hadn't the damn man called him back? His irritation with the CAG on _Carl Vinson_ was growing. It was compounded by the thought that he had to leave for a meeting at the Pentagon with the SecNav in five minutes. Hell, he thought, I can find out what happened at the Pentagon. He stood up and reached for his cover and walked out. 

"Tiner, let the Colonel, the Commander and everyone else that I still have not heard from the carrier. I'm on my way to the Pentagon," AJ said as he walked past the yeoman's desk.

 "Yes, sir. Good luck, sir," Tiner was subdued. AJ could feel the apprehension in the office.

#

Mac had heard the admiral's words as she was walking towards her office. Fighting a rising sense of dread, she tried to keep her thoughts in order. Now sitting at her desk, she thought about the last time she had heard from Harm. She opened her email and looked under the file with Harm's name. She had a surprising number of messages from Harm this TAD. Not usually in his character but she sensed he was attempting to make some sort of effort. But his last email was sent over six days ago. Never mind. She could think about that later. She opened up a new message and typed in his email address.

_Harm,_

_We just heard that a Tomcat was shot down on the coast of North Korea. Email me and let me know that you are in one piece. _

_Are you okay?_

_Mac._

She pressed the send button and watched as her computer cleared the window from her screen. She reluctantly turned her attention to a case file, knowing it would be while until she got a reply.

#

Admiral Chegwidden was sitting in one of the leather chairs in front of the large desk of the Secretary of the Navy. Despite the obsequious personality of Sheffield, AJ was learning that, he was a master politician and a relentless taskmaster. AJ was starting to prefer the outright confrontational manner of the former SecNav. You always knew where you stood with Nelson. Not so with Sheffield.

In true Sheffield style, the SecNav was letting his aide do much of the unpleasant work. A young Navy Captain from the Secretary's staff was outlining the items inside AJ's budget that needed to be 'addressed.' So he needed to readjust a few expenditures for next quarter, thought AJ. Just get to the point.

But that wasn't important right now. A few minutes earlier, an aide had interrupted their meeting and set the file on the SecNav's desk. It was the preliminary after-action report from the incident in North Korea. AJ knew the names of the dead aviator and his RIO were inside that report. He waited for a break in relentless monologue of the Captain. As the captain stopped to find a number inside the 100-page budget, AJ saw his chance.

"Excuse me, Mr. Secretary, but may I change the subject for a minute?" he said.

"Yes, AJ?" Sheffield liked to address him informally. It implied an intimacy that the admiral found hard to warm up to.

"I notice that you have the after-action report on the recent North Korean incident. I have a TAD officer flying with the Air Wing on the _Carl Vinson_. I haven't been able to confirm if he was involved."

"Of course, AJ. Commander Rabb, am I right? From all reports, he is doing a fine job. Command finds his contribution exceptional." The SecNav reached for the file.

"Yes, sir. So I hear," said AJ watching as Sheffield read the file. 

"It appears from this report that he was flying one of the Tomcats involved with the incident. But he was not the one shot down. He and his wingman arrived after our fighters had already engaged. It says here, Rabb fired the shot that brought down the MIG," Sheffield continued to read the file without further comment.

AJ suppressed a wave of relief. Mac was right; trouble did seem to follow the commander. But this time, he was okay.

Sheffield said, "I can't say much more than that, AJ. As you are aware, next of kin need to be notified."

AJ felt mild exasperation at that statement. He was a two-star admiral; he was privy to more confidential information than the names of a deceased pilot and his RIO. But he got what he wanted. Rabb was okay. He chose to ignore the rest.

"Yes, sir. Thank you. That is all I needed to know. The rest will come out soon," he said.

"North Korea is a nasty affair. We need to focus more attention on this unstable part of the world. But for now, lets finish here." With that, the secretary motioned to the Captain to continue his report.

#

AJ was crossing the massive parking lot of the Pentagon towards his Navy issue vehicle, when he heard a shout. He turned and saw Commander Theodore Lindsey walking towards him. He sighed, knowing that a conversation with the commander was unavoidable.

"Admiral Chegwidden, it is good to see you, sir," began Lindsey.

"Commander." AJ knew his answer was curt but he found it hard to feel much warmth towards this officer. He waited for Lindsey to get to the point.

"Must be busy days at JAG, sir," said the commander.

"We are keeping up. It is busy everywhere, commander." Where was this going?

"Yes, but JAG losing a senior officer like Commander Rabb. Must leave a hole. Have you given any consideration to his replacement?" said Lindsey.

"Commander Rabb?" AJ narrowed his eyes. Was he talking about the incident in North Korea?

"Well, I knew when the request came to the CNO's office about Rabb's designator, it was a done deal, sir. I did think it was a bit odd that command on the _Carl Vinson_ wanted Rabb to fly again. I guess they feel his legal experience aids the air wing. I personally think it is a bit overdone. I mean if we now have to train every pilot as a lawyer…. But I knew that Rabb would jump at the opportunity.  JAG was never his first choice."

Commander Lindsey continued to talk unaware of the bombshell he dropped. AJ felt like the carpet had been pulled out from under him. Rabb was leaving JAG? He turned his attention back to the commander.

"Is there anything else, Commander Lindsey? I have to get back to Falls Church," said AJ, controlling the rush of emotions that threatened to overtake him.

Lindsey looked startled. "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir."

"Good-bye Commander." AJ started to climb inside his vehicle. 

#

AJ had a full head of steam threatening to overflow by the time he reached JAG. He absently nodded to the guard as he pulled into a parking space. He walked quickly into the building and jabbed at the elevator button. As he walked through the glass doors into the bullpen, an anxious staff greeted him. 

Bud broke the silence. "Have you heard any news about the commander, sir?" He was puzzled by the angry mood of his superior.

I sure as hell have, thought AJ. Before he could speak he realized that Bud was talking about the downed pilot. 

"Ah, yes," He started to stumble over his words but quickly collected himself. He looked to the awaiting staff members. He could see Mac and Sturgis at the back of the group. "The commander is okay. According to an after action report at the SecNav's office, he was involved with the action but not in the Tomcat that was shot down. He is credited for taking out the downed MIG. That's all I know, folks."

He was vaguely aware of Sturgis putting a hand on Mac's arm to steady her. Then the rest was lost as the bullpen erupted into a loud buzz of conversation and staff members pressed forward and demanded his attention. He was quickly immersed into the minutiae that made up the daily work routine at the office.

It was 1745 local time when Tiner knocked on the door and informed him that Colonel Mackenzie was looking to speak with him. Did he have a minute?

"Send her in, Tiner," he said, not looking up from the DOD report.

"Admiral?" said Mac, sitting down in the brown leather chair directly in front of his desk. "I wanted to review the new redistribution of the office case load with you. I think I have got it finally figured out. Commander Rabb returns on Wednesday. He can pick up any slack at that time."

No response. Mac looked at his bowed head as he continued to read the report on his desk. "Admiral?"

Finally, he took off his reading glasses, leaned back in his chair and looked at her. She wondered what was wrong. Since returning from the SecNav's office, the whole office knew that the admiral was in a bad mood.

"Is everything okay, sir?"

He looked at her with a grim resigned look and said a single laconic word, "No."

"Sir?" She hoped that he would continue.

"If you call being bypassed by CNO's office okay, then everything is okay. If you call being side stepped by the SecNav okay, then everything is okay. If you call being railroaded by a mere captain on a carrier okay, then everything is okay. If you call being stabbed in the back by an officer under your command okay, then everything is okay!" AJ was almost shouting as he came to the end of his invective.

Mac was alarmed at the intensity of his words. "Whom are we talking about, sir?"

"Rabb! I learned through Commander Lindsey, no less, that he has decided to switch his designator _again_. Active status as a pilot on the carrier _Carl Vinson_! Brooks has gone over me to the CNO's office without even a courtesy conversation to me! I have his boot prints all over my head. As much as that is insulting, I can almost understand it. But Rabb hasn't even bothered to pick up the phone. He didn't even give me the civility of a conversation about the issue!"

"That doesn't sound like Harm, sir. I don't believe he would leave again without…," Mac's words trailed off. Maybe he would go without saying goodbye. It would be a hard conversation to tell the admiral he was leaving JAG again. She knew that Harm knew it. He knew when he left the first time that both she and the admiral took it hard. The second time would almost be unforgivable. 

She thought about the discussion she had with him over the Pacific two months ago. He had asked her a simple question. Did she and admiral want him to give up his flight status? Although she had declined to respond, she knew that Harm already had the answer to that one. Or at least he thought he did. She felt a sudden chill. If the offer was right, she knew he would join an air wing. And Captain Brooks was willing to bend the rules to get him to stay.

When she looked up, she found the admiral watching her. He had already gone through this identical thought process. They shared a look.

"Let's go through your ideas on the office case load. I think we need to look to the regional JAG offices and consider transferring a senior officer to this location," said AJ.

"Sir, have you tried to contact Harm? Maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt," she said.

"Yes, I have left a message for him on the _Carl Vinson _earlier this afternoon. So far, I have heard nothing. Tiner has sent him an email. Nothing. That is all I can do, Colonel. I'm not going to beg. If he calls, well, I'll talk with him."

"Yes, sir," said Mac. It had been a roller coaster for her emotions today. Earlier, she had feared for Harm's life. Now, she was feeling a different kind of loss.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Back at the Beginning – Part 6

Author: Nan 

Rating: R

Classification: vignette, Harm/Mac, AJ

Spoilers: All episodes up to but not including Fortunate Son from Season 8

Summary: AJ and Mac worry about Harm and his latest TAD

Thankyou –Aerogirl. A truly great author with a warm and encouraging heart. I sent her my fiction 'out of the blue' and she not only edits but provides a running commentary. It was as much fun to read the corrections as it was to write the story. Thanks!

It was Tuesday night and Mac had left JAG at a reasonable hour. She had been dragging herself around the office for the last two days. No word had come from Harm over the weekend. She had tried privately to contact him through email. She left phone messages on the carrier. Like the admiral, it seemed that he was avoiding their efforts to speak with him. For Mac, this spoke volumes.

It was with a heavy heart that she and Admiral Chegwidden met this afternoon to review possible candidates for transfer to JAG headquarters. He was avoiding all mention of Harm but he did say to her that he was waiting for official notification from the CNO's office before announcing the move to the rest of the staff.

She had thought about Harm a lot over the last four days. They had gone through so much over the last year and half. When Harm had crashed his Tomcat into the Atlantic nearly two years ago, he'd started the two of them on a tidal wave of emotion. For a while, she had almost hated Harm for the strong feelings that he invoked in her. Funny, it was her rash confession to Sturgis, which finally helped her gain some perspective. 

Since their TDY to Afghanistan, Mac believed that there might be a future together for them. They had spent many evenings together talking, working, and eating. There was almost an unspoken agreement. Neither dated outside this arrangement. She felt that Harm had made a few tentative steps towards her.

But what would happen to them and this bond, if Harm really were changing his designator? In a true love relationship, a separation like deployment on a carrier wouldn't matter. Bud and Harriet suffered much more then a mere separation without harming their marriage. 

But this wasn't any normal relationship. This felt like a betrayal. He hadn't even taken the time to talk about it with her. She wondered if the closeness she felt to Harm over the last few months was just her imagination. 

Even though it was still relatively early, she changed into a comfortable pair of pj's and put a frozen dinner into the microwave. She was just about to turn on the TV and watch a mindless sitcom when she heard a soft knocking at her door. It was 2030 and she wasn't expecting anyone. Who was it?

She walked slowly towards the entrance and looked through the peephole. 

Harm! What was Harm doing standing outside her door? She grabbed the doorknob and yanked it open. 

In a purely emotional reaction and totally out of character for Mac, she threw herself into his arms. She felt the surprise ripple through his body, but he hesitated only for a second before wrapping his arms around her.

"Mac, is everything okay?" he said.

"I think so," she said. She broke contact but she reached for his hand and led him into her apartment. They sat down on the couch.

"Harm, what are you doing here?" she asked, still holding his hand.

"Someone left me note while I was sleeping. It said something about a dinner on the first Tuesday after I got back. It's Tuesday and I'm back," he said.

"You're back?"

"Yeah, remember? My TAD is over and I'm due to report at JAG tomorrow. I would have been here earlier but my flight from LA was delayed." He gave her a puzzled look.

"What about the carrier?"

"What about it?"

"Harm, aren't you switching your designator and going to join the air wing on the _Carl Vinson?_" said Mac.

"Who told you that?"

"Ted Lindsey told the admiral on Friday at the Pentagon."

"Lindsey! He doesn't know anything. I hope the admiral didn't believe him." he said.

"We tried to get in touch with you. You didn't answer your emails, or return your calls. I left messages and so did the admiral."

"I broke my laptop earlier. And I wasn't on the _Carl Vinson_ on Friday. CAG released me a couple of days early so I could meet my mom and Frank in Hawaii for an extended weekend." Harm started to realize what had happened. "Was the admiral angry?"

"Angry! He was so mad he could barely see straight. He took your silence as acknowledgement that you were gone. He was irritated already at Captain Brooks because of the way he arranged your TAD. Plus Brooks never called him about the engagement with the MIGs last week. We went almost 6 hours wondering if you were dead or alive," said Mac.

"That MIG incident occurred on my last watch on ship. I had packed earlier and left shortly after debriefing," he said. "Why didn't you try my cell?"

"You were supposed to be in the middle of the Sea of Japan on a carrier, remember?"

Harm sat in silence on the couch. Mac said, "Give me your cell phone."

He handed it over, puzzled. She opened the electronic phone book and scanned for Chegwidden's cell number. Pushing the send button, the phone started to dial. She handed it back to Harm.

"You need to speak with him. Talk," she commanded.

He looked startled but grabbed the phone as he heard the cell's tinny voice say "Chegwidden."

"It is Commander Rabb, sir. I'm at Colonel Mackenzie's apartment and she suggested that I call you." 

Mac tried to get a sense of the one-sided conversation.

"I was vacationing in Hawaii with my parents and my laptop is busted. Lindsey must have got the idea from the CNO's office. Brooks made some inquiries about changing my designator. Never told me about it. I had given him my answer earlier in the week. Guess he thought he might be able to change my mind right up to the last minute…."

The rest of the conversation was lost to Mac as Harm stood up and walked towards her living room window with the cell to his ear. She went to the kitchen, turned on the oven and unwrapped a frozen vegetarian lasagna and thrust it in.

She glanced over and saw that Harm's back was turned to her. She continued to work around the apartment, lighting a fire and some candles, setting the table and changing back into her casual clothes. Ducking into the bathroom she refreshed her makeup. It was a full 27 minutes later before the conversation between Harm and the admiral ended. He turned around and viewed the transformed apartment.

"Wow, you work fast," said Harm. His eyes looked bright and she wondered what he and the admiral discussed.

"Did the admiral say anything important?" she asked as she sliced some tomatoes and poured two wine glasses of mineral water.

"You were right, he thought I was quitting," he said. "We haven't talked for over two months. I guess a lot needed to be said."

Harm wandered over to the sofa in front of the fire and sat down. He stared at the gas flames dancing over the logs. She sat down too.

"You okay?" she asked.

Harm was silent. Then, "Yeah, it just took me by surprise."

"It was good, right?"

"Yeah."

"I think he is relieved that you are sticking around."

"What is for dinner?" said Harm.

"Vegetarian lasagna. I picked it up a couple of weeks ago at the Whole Foods Market. It is from a frozen gourmet brand. It will be done in about 20 minutes."

"You were shopping at the Whole Foods Market?" he said, smiling.

"Stop it. I'm not as bad as you think. I drink my OJ every morning and have a salad every so often."

"I knew there was a reason that you looked so good."

"Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you consider leaving JAG? I mean, sounds like Brooks wanted you." Mac watched his face as he stood staring into the fire.

"Yup. The CAG definitely gave it the college try."

"So why did you turn him down?"

"I'm still not sure. Something about it didn't feel right, I guess. There were lots of reasons. I'm tired of sleeping in a bed that is too short?" he said.

"Flying isn't what it used to be?"

"No, flying still is what it always was to me. Don't get the idea I'm giving up my flight status. In fact, I talked today to a buddy of mine at PAX. I'm going to limit my schedule and only fly for the Naval Air Warfare Center twice a month. I'm dropping everything else."

"So why did you stay?" she said quietly.

"It is important, but I don't want flying to be the only thing in my life. Besides, I like being a lawyer.  And I'm still interested in some sort of personal life, however elusive that may be. And finally, I guess it comes down to the fact that I like it here. Simple, right?" 

Mac suddenly realized how good he looked. It was like she was seeing him through new eyes. He was rested, tanned and fit. The two months on the carrier had been good to him. And he seemed to be content. For some inexplicable reason, tears sprang to Mac's eyes.

She repeated his last words. "Yeah, simple."

He peered closely at her face. In a low voice, he said, "Why are you crying?" He reached up and stroked with his thumb, a stray tear as it made its way down her cheek.

She said, "Would you mind?"

"Would I mind what?" he whispered.

"…if I did this," said Mac. She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against his.

They lingered for a moment, enjoying the contact. When they broke, Mac closed her eyes and leaned against his chest. She slowly exhaled.

"You okay?" Mac heard Harm's voice in her right ear.

"Yeah," said Mac.

Mac finally raised her head. She found Harm watching her with an expression that was oddly familiar. It was intense. It was guarded. And there was a little bit of fear. She had seen the look exactly two times before. One time was on a ferry in Sydney Harbour.  The second time was on the admiral's porch during her engagement party. Her heart started to pound.

"Mac?" said Harm. "I feel like I'm trying to catch up to you. What are you thinking?"

"I'm not sure. Less than an hour ago, I was convinced you were out of my life forever. Now you are here. I'm happy to see you."

"If this is just 'I'm happy you are home, Harm,' then I want to stop now."

"Maybe I see a man of value and this time, I'm not going to push him away," said Mac.

Harm continued to look at her with that same serious, intense and guarded expression. "I need you to be sure."

"I love you," said Mac.

"I'm serious," said Harm.

"Be quiet, commander," said Mac. She trailed her fingers around the top of his jeans, then flattened her palms and slid down to cup his firm six. He moaned and brought his lips back to hers. 

Mac realized she had the upper hand from the get-go. His control seemed to dissolve with every touch of her hand. It was incredibly arousing for Mac to realize that she had such an effect on him. She tugged at his T-shirt and pushed his jeans to his ankles. She stood up from the couch and pulled her top over her head and slowly removed her pants. His eyes were clouded with desire as he watched her kneel over him. He was mesmerized with her breasts as he alternately cupped them and rubbed the hard nipples. He bent to suckle them. The erotic sight made her tremble with desire.

They had too much desire pent up to make this a slow coupling. With barely any preliminaries, she spread her legs. As he thrust in he could feel she was wet and swollen. He rolled her muscled body with it's silky, soft exterior underneath him. She rocked against him and he lost himself. He thrust harder and harder. How incredible this was. He climaxed violently hoping that he had given her enough time to do the same.

As Harm lay back, he could feel the blood pounding throughout his body. He slowly regulated his breathing. Mac lay curled against him, eyes closed with her head on his chest.

"Mac, I'm sorry…" he began.

She raised her head quickly with a sort of rumpled but startled look. "For what?"

"For this being so quick. God, I never thought it would be like this. I feel like I'm fifteen."

"Oh, that." She closed her eyes again and snuggled against him. "Did you like it?"

Harm was silent. Did he like it? Ever since he knocked on Mac's door earlier this evening, he had felt like he was thinking in slow motion. 

There was only one way to answer. He said truthfully, "I'm lying here on Sarah Mackenzie's couch in Sarah Mackenzie's living room, holding her soft naked body against mine. Never mind that I've conjured up this scene at least thousand times. All this after having the most amazing sex with her, even if it was a little short. Wait, wait there's more. Not less than ten minutes ago, she told me she loved me. Did I like it? Yeah, I guess I did."

Mac smiled, "I liked it too." She wrapped her arms tighter around him.

The timer pinged on the stove and Mac reluctantly detangled herself. She quickly wrapped a robe from the bathroom around her and went to set out the lasagna on the table. Harm had put back on his jeans but he was still lying on the couch looking up at the ceiling.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked.

"Two things," he said, sitting up and moving toward the table.

"Number one?"

"I was imagining how I was going to tell you that I loved you. I want just the right restaurant with just the right setting. Dressed up only because I have fantasies about you in long dresses with low-cut backs. Trying to decide if I should bring a dozen roses or just one rose. Definitely roses though. Red, I think," he said, watching her.

She smiled at him. "What was the second thing you were thinking about?"

"If this is the response I got for staying at JAG, what would have happened if I had quit flying altogether?"

Her smile was even broader. "I'm not sure but I have a feeling it will still be a few more years before we find out."

It was Harm's turn to smile. "Honey, with that kind of incentive, it might be sooner than you think." Ignoring the dinner steaming on the table, he walked over to her. He closed his eyes as she leaned into him. This was the beginning he wanted.

. 


	7. Epilogue

Title: Back at the Beginning – Epilogue 

Author: Nan

Rating: R

Classification: vignette, Harm/Mac, AJ

Spoilers: All episodes up to but not including Fortunate Son from Season 8

Summary: AJ and Mac worry about Harm and his latest TAD

_Thankyou – To Aerogirl. A truly great author with a warm and encouraging heart. I sent her my fiction 'out of the blue' and she not only edits but provides a running commentary. It was as much fun to read the corrections as it was to write the story. Thanks_!

Admiral Chegwidden and Meredith Cavanaugh were just about to step into the darkened theatre at the Folger Shakespeare Library on Capitol Hill when AJ felt his cell phone vibrate. He was looking forward to the performance of Maxwell Anderson's "Elizabeth the Queen" despite the fact Michael Learned was playing Elizabeth. The image of Mother Walton doing Queen Bess was a hard one to shake. Still, it was with irritation that he yanked the offending phone out of his black suit pocket. Just when he thought he had a free moment… He abruptly stopped when he saw the name on the caller ID. 

_Cdr Rabb_.

He looked up and found Meredith watching him with a questioning glance. He motioned to her to continue into the theatre. "I'll meet you inside," he quietly mouthed to her and he turned his back and walked towards a quiet corner in the busy foyer. 

"Chegwidden," he said as he pressed the send button.

In his ear, he heard a voice. "It is Commander Rabb, sir. I'm at Colonel Mackenzie's apartment and she suggested that I call you."

AJ's mind logged the fact that the commander was speaking to him from Georgetown and not the middle of the Sea of Japan. He tried to process this information in the context of the last few days.

The anger that he had felt towards the commander since Teddy Lindsey's fateful conversation had not dissipated over the weekend. It was not only that Rabb had chosen flying over JAG. He was disappointed in something else.  AJ felt that his relationship with Harm was something more than a commanding officer and subordinate despite their many disagreements. 

Harm was in DC? He must be wrapping up a few loose ends. Like JAG, maybe? He could feel his anger rising.

"Well, I'm glad you called. Even if it seems I am last on your list. I believe I am owed more than that, commander," said AJ with a steely calm.

"Ah, yes sir. It is just that I didn't think there was much to talk about. The report on my TAD is done and will be on your desk tomorrow after I report to work. Mac tells me there is a backlog?"

AJ was silent. Harm is reporting to work tomorrow?  He heard Harm's tinny voice continue through the cell phone earpiece. "Sir, she also told me you were under the impression I was joining the air wing on the _Carl Vinson_ from Commander Lindsey? She said that you have been trying to contact me."

Harm continued. "I was vacationing in Hawaii with my parents and my laptop is busted. Lindsey must have got the idea from the CNO's office. Brooks made some inquiries about changing my designator. Never told me about it. I had given him my answer earlier in the week. Guess he thought he might be able to change my mind right up to the last minute. I apologize if this caused you any inconvenience, sir."

Silence. AJ willed himself to think of some sort of reply. 

"Admiral? Are you still there?"

"Yes. Lindsey! I guess I should have known better than to trust him. I guess I owe you an apology," AJ sighed. He realized now that he had for once let a few old emotions run his head. 

"I'm not sure why, sir," said Harm. "You didn't do anything."

"I thought a lot. Turns out I was mistaken. But I thought flying was important to you. Why didn't you jump at the chance Brooks was offering?"

"I guess all of the moonlighting I had been doing for the last year or so helped, right?"

"Well, you can't deny that you were running a pretty hectic schedule since you came back from Afghanistan. Although I have to admit, you never let me down at JAG. But I had this feeling that it was going to kill you, one way or another. Changing you designator to an active status as a pilot would simplify your life. No more legal work. So it was an easy assumption to make." The play was starting in the theatre behind him. AJ ignored it. He wanted to hear the commander's words.

"Yeah. It was a choice that would have simplified things. But I never do anything the easy way." Harm knew more of an explanation was in order.

He continued. "You and Mac both saw it. But I didn't. I thought I could manage both flying and JAG. And I did for a while. But you have no idea how dog tired I was starting to feel. And this perpetual sense that I was starting to let people down. But flying is something I couldn't let go. And I still can't entirely. But then I got that flu bug. I was stuck in isolation for a couple of days with nothing but my thoughts to keep me busy. And it struck me how stupid it all was. I'm not good at introspection. But I clarified a few things about what I wanted to do next.

When I started to fly missions again, I loved it. But there was nothing else. A carrier is a pretty singled minded place. I went through this before, on the Patrick Henry. There is an intellectual challenge to the law that is much like dog fighting. So when Brooks asked me, I thought about it. But I then I said no. I'm looking forward to getting back to JAG, sir." 

AJ shifted the phone to the other ear. "Are you going to continue moonlighting for PAX?"

"I've given that some thought too. I'm not ready to give up flying altogether. But I think I've come up with a solution that will still make it worth the Navy's nickel to keep me qualified. I talked today to a buddy of mine at PAX. I'm going to limit my schedule and only fly for the Naval Air Warfare Center twice a month. I'm dropping everything else," said Harm.

AJ felt satisfied. Harm had done some thinking. And he had come up with a workable solution. And he knew it wasn't easy for the commander to admit that he needed to cut back. This reduction meant a sacrifice to Harm. In a funny way, Harm was acknowledging how important JAG really was. AJ sat down on a low upholstered bench in the foyer. It was his turn now, to recognize that. He thought about the right words.

"Harm, when I thought that you were going to leave JAG this time, I was angry. Angry because you hadn't spoken with me. But I was also angry that I was letting a good officer slip through my fingers. You are a good lawyer and litigator. But it is more than that. You are, with a few exceptions, a good influence on my people. They are inspired to take an occasional risk for the right reasons. Work stops being about always protecting your six. That is largely because of you."

"In other words, I've been in more shit than they ever could conceive and I am still here." AJ could hear Harm smiling even through the phone.

"That's one way to say it," said AJ. "Seriously, I've always backed you up. No matter what kind of stuff you stepped into. Not to protect you, but because I knew you were right. JAG has a reputation for being fair and effective. You have contributed to this in no small measure. I want to thank you. And thank you for sticking around."

It was Harm's turn to be silent. AJ smiled to himself. For once, Rabb had nothing to say.

Finally Harm spoke, "Maybe I shouldn't say this, but there was another reason I didn't stay. Brooks isn't my idea of a great commanding officer. When you have had the best, it's hard to lower your expectations. I am glad to be back at JAG, sir. Under your command."

AJ decided to turn the conversation. Time to fill the commander in on the changes over the last two months. Too many personal revelations and they both would be uncomfortable.

Later, AJ was standing in the foyer with two drinks from the foyer bar in his hand. It was intermission and he watched as Meredith made her way toward him through the crowd. She smiled at him.

"I hope it was an important phone call. You missed the entire first act," she said.

"It was a call from Harm," he said and handed her a glass of red wine. "How was the play?" 

"Interesting. It is well paced. I like it so far. Harm? I haven't heard you refer to him as Harm for two months. What happened to Rabb? And you are smiling. It must have been some conversation."

"It was a good conversation. Harm is in DC at Mac's place. And he is starting back at JAG tomorrow. He is not flying. Well, he is still flying but he is cutting back. But he has chosen JAG not the _Carl Vinson_," AJ said quietly.

"That is good news."

"Yeah."

"I really never thought he would leave you high and dry. I had more faith in the commander than you did. But you said the CNO's office confirmed the transfer?"

"Well, I think I jumped the gun a little. I should have known better than to trust Lindsey."

"And you should have trusted Harm a little more. You two have a bond," said Meredith.

AJ snorted and rolled his eyes. Meredith shook her head and laughed.

"He is at the colonel's?"

"Yes…" AJ knew what direction the conversation was going to take.

"Two months away and the first thing he does is show up at Mac's. What does that tell you?" Meredith was smiling. This wasn't the first time they had discussed this.

"I don't know. You tell me. It's my policy not to interfere in the personal lives of my officers."

"Oh AJ, wake up and smell the roses. There is something else around DC he likes besides JAG. No offense to you."

They both heard the soft pinging of the five-minute warning. AJ said, "Saved by the bell. Let's go. I've missed enough of Queen Bess already."

"You would think a two star admiral would have more fortitude. If it were I, I'd find a way to get Harm and Mac together. You need to take a few more risks, dear," said Meredith.

"I already have more than enough problems on my desk without adding that one. Come on, Meredith, let's go watch Walton's Mountain do Elizabethan England," AJ said and with that they walked through the theatre doors.


End file.
